I’m standing in my own way

Let’s go inside my head for a moment or two. Here’s what’s going on…

  • I’m standing in the way of my own success – REALITY
  • I’m confused about direction and clarity – REALITY
  • I can feel it within me but I’m not connecting to it – REALITY
  • I need to go back to work and just be for a while – THOUGHT

I’ve been struggling with the thought that maybe HERwithin and the process I experienced was just for me to experience and it’s not “the thing” I need to turn into a company. A shift is happening within me and the level of confusion is getting stronger and stronger. As the confusion gets stronger, my finances are getting thinner. I ask myself regularly if going back to work is going to solve anything? It’ll solve the finance issue for sure. I’ll get me back into my world of processes and organizing and it’ll get routine back.

Then there’s the dream of being able to work from home and create a world I want to create. Freedom! But that freedom I crave is not giving me something I need. Processes, flow, organization and people contact. (I’m re-reading this and saying to myself “you can get all that at home if you work at it”) Entrepreneurship isn’t easy. I’ve been working on it for the past 3 years and can honestly say that I’d be living in a relative’s basement if I relied on income from that to survive.

When I tap into my HERwithin and feel through this whole process of “do I stay or do I go (back to work)”, so many thoughts bubble up from my ego that are like little bugs flying around in my field of vision. My HERwithin does not shame me, doubt me, judge me or scold me. She communicates with me like a caring mother would talk to a crying child. I keep hearing “you know what to do” and every day, I’m releasing the flying bugs and feeling better and better about my decision to go back to work. Some days it’s like getting a coded message and other times I try so hard to just trust that it’s all unfolding like it should.

Here’s the fun part. I have so many people telling me that HERwithin is a beautiful thing, it can help so many women who are going through the same thing. I love sharing my stories and information and leaving it everywhere for anyone to take. What I can’t seem to do is turn that life story/lesson into a money making company. Something feels wrong. Is it because I don’t feel I’m worth it? Hell no! I’m worth every penny I’m paid because I create results. I haven’t had hundreds of women take my programs, I haven’t even had double digits, but every single woman that has taken it, has had results. I came to that realization the other day. Every single woman I’ve worked with has walked away with a new light shining within her. That feels so good to say.

Some people are born to sell, some people are born to lead and others are born to make sure things are coordinated to the highest level for those people. I’ve always considered myself to be a highly efficient Coordinator. Every position I’ve held, I’ve make a lasting impact. I haven’t done that with HERwithin. I’ve created, shelved, recreated, shelved again, switched lanes, come back to it and kept that cycle up for a few years. I’m standing in my own way of moving forward and creating success. But why?

I’ve taught workshops and loved it. I’ve spoken to rooms full of women and loved it. I’ve created an online course and 10 teaching videos and loved it. I love creating and presenting. As I’m typing this, I’m getting a knot in my stomach at the thought of the next step… selling. That’s where I’m standing in my own way. Oh man, I’ve tried selling. I remember selling kids books over 20 years ago and wasn’t very good. I wanted to give people stuff for free. I sold Regal products for years and I think I bought more than I sold. If I’m to succeed, I need to find my own selling style and not try to turn myself into a duplicate of someone I see online.

I’ve had a few coaches in the line of business development. I cling onto the processes that they offer. I love processes. I love watching things go from nothing to something. I’m like the Wizard of Oz behind the curtain. I put things into place and watch them grow and change. I had one coach tell me that you can’t create something and put it out in the alley hoping someone is going to find it. LOL! Yup, that’s what I’m doing. I’m giving the sales part of my world about 5%. I know it needs more effort but I can’t find that within myself. I create at 110%. I’m on fire when I’m in the creative mode.

Because HERwithin is attached to me personally, I know there’s a link between my self worth and the ability to sell. It’s not the cost of the course or workshop, it’s the straight up ability to … oh oh… I’m sitting here with no words, which means I’m onto something………… WHOA!!! It’s straight up the ability to ask people to trust me. (Insert tears HERE).

Trust has been a tumultuous word for me. My last HERwithin podcast was all about trust. I was in a 24 yr marriage that taught me a lot about trust. I didn’t trust my gut feelings (HER), I didn’t trust my husband at the time, I didn’t trust others and was controlling and I know it’s impacted my life. I’ve been working on trusting the universe a lot lately and surrendering myself to what will be. I’ve created an internal check point when I feel my trust muscle not holding up. The women I’m offering my … no, selling my courses to, are the women that I was. I didn’t trust others or myself. Why would I trust someone I don’t know who says she can help me transition through this part of my life and come out the other side with hope and fulfillment. Is it because I haven’t found that complete fulfillment yet? If I haven’t found it, how can I sell it? I’m not there yet.

Okay, where am I? I’m definitely somewhere else than I was 3 years ago.

  • I’m connected within. I Feel HER, Love HER and Trust HER
  • I don’t need stuff to fill a void within me
  • I trust more than I ever have (with room for improvement)
  • I understand my energy shifts and what they’re trying to tell me
  • I love to meditate because I love the sensations I have in my body
  • I love crystals and use them to protect and empower myself
  • I talk to the moon and celebrate her fullness and newness monthly
  • I listen without having the need to be heard and to be right
  • I am responsible for my experiences and forgive others that hurt me
  • I understand that everyone on my “life stage” is there to teach me
  • I can go for days without make up or jewelry and I love it
  • I believe in energy healers and the ability to clean and align chakras
  • My 5 year old self is still looking for love and I’m here for her
  • Vulnerability is a super power that I feel safe exposing to others
  • I love myself and what I’m learning every single day I’m alive
  • I am a beautiful soul, in a human body, living a journey

If this is you too, I’m here to help you Find HER and create the success and fulfillment you’re craving.

With Love from Within,