Guilt can haunt the best of us. Deep down I don’t think there’s anyone out there who doesn’t carry some kind of guilt. I know I do, but I had no idea how much I was carrying until I started following some breadcrumbs and then fell down a giant Janis rabbit hole.
I am fascinated with metaphysics. Understanding the ailments of the my body through suppressed energy is enlightening and scary at times. I think back to the first time I peeled a layer back and found something I could process. Then behind that layer was another thing to process and so on and so on. I said to my husband today that there are times I wished I would have left that Pandora’s box of energy and emotions alone. Then on the other hand, the growth and change that I’ve been through over the past few years has been like nothing I’ve experienced before. Hence, the realization about guilt.
As many of you know, I’m recovering from a bout with breast cancer. Mine was found very early on, was small and didn’t require chemo. Surgery and radiation was enough for this old body to deal with. Within all the recovery time, I had a lot of time to face shadows and limiting beliefs that I’ve carried for many years. All of them are manifesting into ailments that I’m facing one by one and making them go away. It gets to the point that I’m tired of feeling ill and I want to take this new found energy and take it out into the world. I wonder at times if I’m still wading through the deep end and I’m not ready. I feel like I wrote a final exam on ME and I passed with flying colors. Well, I’m ready to take my latest and greatest discovery into the world through this blog. I hope it finds it into the hands of the people who need to hear it. I’m mentally attaching the intention and vibration of that thought to this blog post.
I just recovered from a flu type bug that came out of the blue… so I thought. Yes, it’s flu season, but trust me on this one, when you start to understand the process of releasing trapped energy from your body, with the help of authors like Louise Hay and Dr. Michael Lincoln, a runny nose isn’t a runny nose any longer. There’s a trapped limiting belief that is in my body, something is happening at this time in my life to have it surface again and when it does, it means I’m ready to process and release. Even though I spent 2 days in bed, was retching over the toilet at 3am and wanted to sleep all the time, deep down, I knew it was something else. Call it ironic, but I had just sent my manuscript for my book off to an editor the day before. I had to look into this. So I got my book out and looked up flu, retching, body aches and fatigue. That fatigue thing has been going on since radiation ended but I thought I’d revisit it. I found a common denominator in all of them. Guilt-grabbing!! WHAT?? I do my best to release, ground and forgive myself for all the wild things that have happened in my life over the past 10 years but I’d never looked at guilt before. It was time.
I grabbed a notebook and started writing all the things I felt guilt around. I also did a mind exercise of imagining I was writing the word of statement on a balloon and releasing it out a window. This went on for quite some time. I had 39 immediate things I felt guilt over and I said to myself, “I release the guilt of ….” and did that over and over. Yes, there were tears because the guilt is real and present right now. I had things from my childhood, parenting, divorce, my parents, step kids, jobs, what I didn’t do for someone and even the little bag of mini Junior Mints I was eating on our road trip to Waterton yesterday. I felt guilty not sharing them with my husband who had just finished his own chocolate bar. So I shared. Is that a mum thing or just it is just me?
By releasing all the guilt that had surfaced this morning, I made an associated discovery. A few years ago I had an intense release over the feeling that I’m not important. This was something that I found out had started when I was around five years old. The release of that gave me the confidence to approach people I didn’t know and not feel that I wasn’t worthy of their conversation. It now serves me well as I talk to entrepreneurs and local manufacturers about their products. The guilt-grabbing I was doing was because of that associated “I’m not important” limiting belief. It’s not completely cleared yet but when it does surface, I have a reaction time faster than the local fire department. Associating feeling guilty with not feeling important makes sense. If I don’t think I’m worthy of something, of course I’ll feel guilty about having it, doing it, feeling it or being it. It was like the lid was blown off my world when I understood this association and it didn’t require a psychologist/counselor to point it out. It’s so empowering when I step back and the breadcrumbs spell out something bigger than I expected to find.
That’s the power of HER. That’s what happens when I trust Trust HER, Hear HER and Feel HER. The answers are all within me. I needed to spend years to Find HER so that I could Trust HER and ultimately Love HER. I want to be a better person than I was yesterday and today, I can move forward knowing full well that I can release guilt and still be me. I will still be loved if I don’t share my Junior Mints. I’m not a selfish person but I don’t need to be a guilt ridden person because I’m worthy of whatever it is I have, do or feel.
I highly suggest doing the journaling and releasing process over anything you feel guilt over. If you need to continue with the process, I also suggest trying the Ho’oponopono Forgiveness Practice. Forgiveness and gratitude are immense healing tools to release what was and be thankful for what is. What will be in the future will form from the healing you do now.
Find HER Trust HER Love HER