Live a life your soul craves

I just found a manuscript for a children’s book I wrote over 25 years ago. Isn’t it amazing what you find while moving? I remember typing it out on my typewriter, folding the pages and sending it to a publisher in my area. I had contacted a friend’s sister, who was an illustrator, to find out how to do it correctly. I had no idea what was going to happen next.

It took over six months to hear anything back and I received a “not interested” canned response. That was the end of my writing career, I thought. Within in me is a desire to empower people. To teach them how to live beyond what they’re doing. That desire was buried deep within me for the past 25 years. Raising a family, facing daily challenges, then divorce and learning how to be a brand new me was no easy task. No wonder I never wrote again.

Then four years ago, I took an abrupt left turn and headed in a direction that was so foreign to me that all I could do is trust where I was going. That’s easy to say now because my trust muscle is in fine form. Not so much 5, 10 or 20 years ago. I was in control and didn’t need to trust anyone to help me. That’s called being a control freak. I had it nicely disguised as being “efficient”. My soul knew better. It quietly sat back and let my ego and brain take over all operations. My soul voice, or my HERwithin, is so quiet, just like yours. It takes stillness to hear HER. I was in no position to get still and wait for the voice of HER to start telling me what to do. Your HERwithin can also be felt. Messages from your body like tingles, gut feelings, and tears are all messages from HER. I chose to ignore all of those as well. I didn’t have an owners manual to tell me what a tingle meant or what that gut feeling was telling me.

The day came that I had a conversation with my mum about regret about a month before she passed. That’s not a conversation I want to have with anyone during my final days. Her regret is that she didn’t travel more and she spent too much time on her gardening. I thought her garden was her passion? That’s where she would find her stillness and find her HERwithin. There must have been conversations going on that she was ignoring in order for her to have big regrets. I watched my mum over time develop multiple ailments culminating with ALS. I now know what all her ailments were about and what messages her body was sending her. That was a lesson I took very seriously when I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2019. Talk about a wake up call! I was hearing my body’s messages loud and clear now and I understand when my soul is craving something.

Our soul speaks to us. Pining is a way it speaks to us. If you see a picture, hear a song or smell something and you get a feeling that you want that, that’s HER talking to you. She’s reminding you of the life that your soul craves. Fulfill that craving and allow yourself to do those things or even get close to doing them. Research them, write about them or even talk to others about them. Make it a reality to as close to your life that you can.

Here we are 25 years after my first rejection and I have the technological ability to self publish a book. I have the content, the ability to publish and an audience to promote it to. Up until not long ago, the only thing standing in my way was self-doubt. That evil little itty bitty shitty committee that holds regular meetings to stop my soul from leading me into something different. The chairman of the board is Ego and it’s job is to stop you from going too far in one direction and getting hurt. HER job is to quietly remind you that you have everything you need. So, I created a team of women that I was accountable to because I knew I could talk myself out of anything. I found seven women to help with edits and one to do with graphics and layout. I also reached out to many other women who experienced this journey and asked for advice and referrals for printers, retailers, etc. That was the greatest gift I gave myself. A Team! A Dream Team!

I am within days of uploading my final draft of my book and starting pre-sales. I have no idea what I’m doing each day, but I figure it out and my HERwithin is incredibly happy. The calm that I’m feeling every anxious step I take is HER telling me everything is OK. I’m living a life that my soul craves and that craving is being satisfied by stepping beyond what I know.

This post is brought to you by HER. I was minding my own business changing a light bulb when I suddenly had a message to do a blog. She knows best.

Find HER – 20 Revealing Questions to Discover the Woman Within
will be available on Amazon in paperback and eBook formats.

When a woman reaches the beautiful intersection of midlife, she may feel like life is unraveling right before her eyes. Days seem to be on autopilot and sleepless nights are filled with questions that seemingly have no answers.

-Is this all there is for me?

-Why am I so emotional?

-Why don’t I trust people?

This book is a collection of twenty similar questions that Janis answers with vulnerability, honesty, and humour. You will learn how reconnecting to your own HERwithin paves a pathway to inner peace and personal fulfillment. You may laugh at some stories and emotionally relate to others as you reflect on your own experiences. The purpose of this book is to shine a light on questions that women are afraid to ask themselves, fearing what they might reveal. Yes, memories or buried emotions might be waiting behind a simple question, but to find your answers, you must ask the questions. Are you ready to Find HER and discover the woman within?

I’m standing in my own way

Let’s go inside my head for a moment or two. Here’s what’s going on…

  • I’m standing in the way of my own success – REALITY
  • I’m confused about direction and clarity – REALITY
  • I can feel it within me but I’m not connecting to it – REALITY
  • I need to go back to work and just be for a while – THOUGHT

I’ve been struggling with the thought that maybe HERwithin and the process I experienced was just for me to experience and it’s not “the thing” I need to turn into a company. A shift is happening within me and the level of confusion is getting stronger and stronger. As the confusion gets stronger, my finances are getting thinner. I ask myself regularly if going back to work is going to solve anything? It’ll solve the finance issue for sure. I’ll get me back into my world of processes and organizing and it’ll get routine back.

Then there’s the dream of being able to work from home and create a world I want to create. Freedom! But that freedom I crave is not giving me something I need. Processes, flow, organization and people contact. (I’m re-reading this and saying to myself “you can get all that at home if you work at it”) Entrepreneurship isn’t easy. I’ve been working on it for the past 3 years and can honestly say that I’d be living in a relative’s basement if I relied on income from that to survive.

When I tap into my HERwithin and feel through this whole process of “do I stay or do I go (back to work)”, so many thoughts bubble up from my ego that are like little bugs flying around in my field of vision. My HERwithin does not shame me, doubt me, judge me or scold me. She communicates with me like a caring mother would talk to a crying child. I keep hearing “you know what to do” and every day, I’m releasing the flying bugs and feeling better and better about my decision to go back to work. Some days it’s like getting a coded message and other times I try so hard to just trust that it’s all unfolding like it should.

Here’s the fun part. I have so many people telling me that HERwithin is a beautiful thing, it can help so many women who are going through the same thing. I love sharing my stories and information and leaving it everywhere for anyone to take. What I can’t seem to do is turn that life story/lesson into a money making company. Something feels wrong. Is it because I don’t feel I’m worth it? Hell no! I’m worth every penny I’m paid because I create results. I haven’t had hundreds of women take my programs, I haven’t even had double digits, but every single woman that has taken it, has had results. I came to that realization the other day. Every single woman I’ve worked with has walked away with a new light shining within her. That feels so good to say.

Some people are born to sell, some people are born to lead and others are born to make sure things are coordinated to the highest level for those people. I’ve always considered myself to be a highly efficient Coordinator. Every position I’ve held, I’ve make a lasting impact. I haven’t done that with HERwithin. I’ve created, shelved, recreated, shelved again, switched lanes, come back to it and kept that cycle up for a few years. I’m standing in my own way of moving forward and creating success. But why?

I’ve taught workshops and loved it. I’ve spoken to rooms full of women and loved it. I’ve created an online course and 10 teaching videos and loved it. I love creating and presenting. As I’m typing this, I’m getting a knot in my stomach at the thought of the next step… selling. That’s where I’m standing in my own way. Oh man, I’ve tried selling. I remember selling kids books over 20 years ago and wasn’t very good. I wanted to give people stuff for free. I sold Regal products for years and I think I bought more than I sold. If I’m to succeed, I need to find my own selling style and not try to turn myself into a duplicate of someone I see online.

I’ve had a few coaches in the line of business development. I cling onto the processes that they offer. I love processes. I love watching things go from nothing to something. I’m like the Wizard of Oz behind the curtain. I put things into place and watch them grow and change. I had one coach tell me that you can’t create something and put it out in the alley hoping someone is going to find it. LOL! Yup, that’s what I’m doing. I’m giving the sales part of my world about 5%. I know it needs more effort but I can’t find that within myself. I create at 110%. I’m on fire when I’m in the creative mode.

Because HERwithin is attached to me personally, I know there’s a link between my self worth and the ability to sell. It’s not the cost of the course or workshop, it’s the straight up ability to … oh oh… I’m sitting here with no words, which means I’m onto something………… WHOA!!! It’s straight up the ability to ask people to trust me. (Insert tears HERE).

Trust has been a tumultuous word for me. My last HERwithin podcast was all about trust. I was in a 24 yr marriage that taught me a lot about trust. I didn’t trust my gut feelings (HER), I didn’t trust my husband at the time, I didn’t trust others and was controlling and I know it’s impacted my life. I’ve been working on trusting the universe a lot lately and surrendering myself to what will be. I’ve created an internal check point when I feel my trust muscle not holding up. The women I’m offering my … no, selling my courses to, are the women that I was. I didn’t trust others or myself. Why would I trust someone I don’t know who says she can help me transition through this part of my life and come out the other side with hope and fulfillment. Is it because I haven’t found that complete fulfillment yet? If I haven’t found it, how can I sell it? I’m not there yet.

Okay, where am I? I’m definitely somewhere else than I was 3 years ago.

  • I’m connected within. I Feel HER, Love HER and Trust HER
  • I don’t need stuff to fill a void within me
  • I trust more than I ever have (with room for improvement)
  • I understand my energy shifts and what they’re trying to tell me
  • I love to meditate because I love the sensations I have in my body
  • I love crystals and use them to protect and empower myself
  • I talk to the moon and celebrate her fullness and newness monthly
  • I listen without having the need to be heard and to be right
  • I am responsible for my experiences and forgive others that hurt me
  • I understand that everyone on my “life stage” is there to teach me
  • I can go for days without make up or jewelry and I love it
  • I believe in energy healers and the ability to clean and align chakras
  • My 5 year old self is still looking for love and I’m here for her
  • Vulnerability is a super power that I feel safe exposing to others
  • I love myself and what I’m learning every single day I’m alive
  • I am a beautiful soul, in a human body, living a journey

If this is you too, I’m here to help you Find HER and create the success and fulfillment you’re craving.

With Love from Within,

Janis